When I arrived at work one morning, I saw an envelope under my monitor.  “It’s not my birthday and it’s not Boss’ Day”, I thought to myself.  I tried to think of ‘occasions’ that would preempt such a gesture.  Finally, I decided to open it.  The card read as follows:

 

“I was so excited to hear that I had landed a new job - exactly what I wanted, a paralegal in a corporation.  Aha, I soon became overwhelmed and was really down.  I was looking at things from a pessimistic perspective, a viewpoint I hadn't used in a long time.  I hardly recognized myself. Then one day, I heard a cheerful voice talking in a nearby office.  When the room was quiet, I asked, who was that?  I was told, "Precious McCloud".  I began to look forward to seeing the bright light exuding from this powerful person.  A gift.  I received a gift - just from her presence in my vicinity.  This light reminded me that I'm supposed to feel good.  I’m supposed to be happy.  I knew that all along, but had temporarily forgotten how good it feels to feel good. What a shining example of living life and loving it – right before my eyes.  A reminder that one person can make a difference, even by something so simple as walking through a room or sharing a smile.  I have also been that cheerleader.  Thank you, my friend for reminding me."  ~ Carol C.

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The author of this beautiful sentiment was a woman who worked in another department and on another floor.  Our interactions to that point were nothing more than general niceties and in passing, at best.  I was reminded that each and every day, we are impacted by and impact others. Since I was a small child, my father has always spoken to me about my "light" and I felt God speak to me through her..  How could such emotion be directed toward me...from a stranger?

Was this "my light" shining through again?

It took me a few days to thank her or to even acknowledge her card.  It was difficult to come up with a response that I felt would adequately match the seed she'd watered.  How could she, through her random act of kindness, connect with my very soul?  I recalled that even in our "good morning" and have a "nice day" exchanges, I'd been a benefactor of her positive outlook and found myself longing to move beyond those niceties.  She no longer felt like a stranger to me; but someone who (like me) had a keen understanding of their purpose.  I think that's why I was so touched by her words.  We are drawn to that which we are...
 

"I began to look forward to seeing the bright light exuding from this powerful person...this light reminded me that I'm supposed to feel good".  

I read those words over and over again but not for self-serving reasons.  I read them repeatedly because they sounded like echoes from other people with whom I'd interacted throughout my entire life.  How could she know, though?  She doesn't know anything about my background, my family and why joy and cheerfulness are at the root of everything I do.  Light, even in its simplest form is very powerful.  When it appears darkness disappears instantly!  

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As I read her card, images of my dad entered my mind and it was as though I was hearing his voice through my pre-teen ears -- saying things that he still says to me to this day.  He prophesied over my life as a young child and he has always spoken to me about this ‘light".  Through the encouragement from his lips, I've always felt that I was special and that my existence was purposed.  I've always believed that there was 'good' that I was supposed to share with others simply because God designed my heart to feel a genuine sincerity towards people.  The greatest lesson I learned from my mom is that we are not to think too highly of ourselves.  Everyone needs help at one point or another and if we are ever in a position where we can give, we should do it - with no thought of recognition or gain.  Just do it because God commands us to and He will see to it that every need will be met. 

About 12 years prior to receiving the note from Carol (pasted in blue above), my Supervisor at my first place of employment after college also spoke to me about this ‘light’.  We'd just concluded a team meeting where I was a bit quiet and she asked me to stay behind. She had the unmitigated gall (pretty strong language, hunh?) to tell me that there was nothing I could do about it and since ‘it’ had such a profound impact on people – they came to expect it.  She went as far as to reference shining my light as a responsibility (a responsibility?!?!) - I had to accept.  Well, you can imagine what my 22-year old response was!  In my immature mind, I thought to myself, "Whatever!  If I don’t feel like smiling, I’m not going to…and if I don’t want to speak up in the meeting, I don’t have to.  Why can everyone else have a bad day, come in here with an attitude and frown at everyone but let me – just for one day – be a little quiet and I’ve got to get called into a room about my attitude!  Hmph!” 

 

When I (in all of my immature, still wet-behind-the-ears glory) did respond to my manager that day, I told her that shining my light was not something I had to do for other people and I was offended by the mere notion of what she was implying.  I told her that I did not like being singled out and I couldn't understand why I was always expected to exude such positivity.  If I had it, why couldn't others get it for themselves?  I felt so much better after getting that off my chest.  

I was tired of people expecting me to make them smile and be so doggone bright and cheery.  Guess I told her, hunh?

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"I began to look forward to seeing the bright light exuding from this powerful person...this light reminded me that I'm supposed to feel good".
 

I left the conference room with my manager that day with a smug expression on my face.  It was one of my first opportunities to speak up for myself and for my so-called rights!  How dare she encourage me to ‘let my light shine!’  After I was satisfied that I’d given her a piece of my (young, foolish and immature) mind, I returned to my desk like a cocked pistol – ready to fire off in a moment’s notice. 

 

Unfortunately for me, I didn't recognize that she was speaking from a great place of wisdom.  I didn’t receive her words because at that time, I didn’t understand the responsibility that God (not man) had placed before me. I was not aware of the divine assignment on my life.   I now know that I was singled out at birth to reflect and transmit God's magnificent light and have been given a specific mandate.  Not understanding this much earlier in life kept me from embracing this light as the jewel I wholeheartedly believe it is today.

For the next few years, I struggled with this ‘light’ and as ironic as it may sound, I felt it at times, to be a dark cloud over me; an albatross even. There were times where I felt it pushed people away,  “There is nobody on this earth that is THAT happy all of the time”, a few people said to me. “Why do you have to smile SO much”? or “You’re a little TOO happy for my taste; don't you ever have a bad day?”

 

On the other hand, I received confirmation after confirmation that there was something about me that made those around me feel better, dance harder, dream bigger and reach farther.  How can this ‘light’ be the source of both consternation and inspiration?  I cannot lie; I was confused by this for many, many years.

When I recall some of the relationships that ended with those I once considered friends, I now understand that pruning is a necessary part of maintaining balance.  Some branches just aren't supposed to be attached to my tree and that is okay.  Also, maturity has taught me not to lament over dead branches, but to rejoice for the beauty that awaits me through the people who God wants to assign to me - people who value my worth, appreciate the sincerity of my actions and consider the songs of my heart a beautiful melody.  When I had the courage to look inward, I realized  there was no real struggle and God was waiting patiently on me to value in myself the things He planted that would add value to the lives of others.  I know God drapes me with His power and through Him, I have that same power to encourage, enliven and uplift..  I know those things for sure.